H.E.M.

Magnanimity

What is magnanimity? To be magnanimous is to be courageously noble in heart and mind. So it means you have to have courage and nobility, not just in the heart but also the mind. To discuss it all would probably take some five volumes of books, one title for each subject.

In the last few years, I have written many articles about how Singapore can be better and the issues at hand, how we treat foreigners and that include domestic helpers and labourers not just expatriates and PRs, problems with making babies, consumerism and materialism, our pressure cooker situation, education system where people are just focus on results and everyone all stressed out, our bad driving habits, the ugly Singaporean, why children should just enjoy their childhood, why we must be a gracious society, etc. and they are sprinkled all over in various articles. I have also published a series on the values that Singaporeans yearned to have.

So when the PM spoke about all these recently, I was quite pleased. We do not really need to be too clever do we? It is actually all common sense.

But to talk about it is a good start but talk is easy but to do things and to carry out as a nation is another matter altogether. Now that we have come so far, how to go back? It's an entirely different ball game. It is like should guys continue to argue with the ladies if the toilet seat should be up or down or should the guys just sit down and pee. We are so educated and keep on training ourselves in so many areas of economic benefits that we have forgotten to unlearn or un-train (if there is such a word) ourselves in others.

I hope our ungracious people are the minority. We are what we think and do and after many years, we have been conditioned to be just like that. If you follow the herd, then you already have the mind set. If you are a wanderer, a sheep that often got out of line and wander away or even got lost, you may be safe. Remember, how often I have shared that our children and our young watch and follow what we do?

My concern is why we took so long to address the issues. Be it a country or an organisation, we must listen (not just hear). To hear is to perceived by ear and to listen is to "make an effort to hear something". If an organisation wanted to be no.1 with their products at all costs and down the line the staffs are saying we can't do this or that because or but.....and the people at the top says "but" me no more buts, I don't care just get it done, remember we are to be no. 1. This will inevitably lead to defective products. In the real business world, it happens all the time.

For example, my children and I went through different era of our education system and I have been pointing out all the flaws. When tuition centres are sprouting and flourishing something is wrong with the schools. Teachers are better off working in these centres. How many talented youngsters have their future ruined just because they did not excelled at the same things? How many Einstein's or other geniuses have we already killed? It is like Isaac Newton sitting under a durian tree instead of an apple tree. How is the outcome different if I may provoke a thought?

So why am I talking about magnanimity? Before that, a reminder on empathy and humility I have previously touched on:

http://gforce-guru.blogspot.sg/2012/03/empathy-and-gratitude.html

http://gforce-guru.blogspot.sg/2012/03/humility.html

Magnanimity is being courageously noble in heart and mind. To be noble is to possess eminence, dignity, above whatever is low, mean, degrading or dishonourable, magnanimous, to be of noble nature of heart and action. The word "courageously" in front of noble gives it added significance because one can loose out being noble. Simply put, you can do the right thing and loose and be a noble loser. Look around you and in this world there can be many things that are really low, mean, degrading and dishonourable. Would you partake of it and think you are a winner or have nothing do to with it and look or feel like a loser. Many simply equate success with big houses, luxury cars, exotic travels, huge pay packets. You need courage to lose. Everybody only wanted and know how to behave when they win but know not what to do when they loose. This is how you learn to be gracious.

Life my friend, is not a zero sum game. Have we become too hard-nosed for our own good? Knowing the price of everything but the value of none? Stressing our children with enrichment classes followed by piano and violin lessons and putting them in elite top schools is good for them? This are at best "best intentions". Best intentions do not always bring best results. Why not make them study from two years old some smart Alec would think? A young child's mind is in a stage of discovery and the best thing to do is to play and in play develop creativity. Even adults are encouraged to play too but please "play" with the right stuffs.

In Korea, Taiwan and elsewhere many are emulating the Singapore system in enrichment classes and tuition. It is definitely good to be strong in science and mathematics, etc. but we will need a lot more  than that because the others will catch up despite our head start. We have no natural resources and our only resources are people and even that we have less than others. A good start is to be able to recognise each and every talent that we have and appreciate them so that when the time comes which we do not know when, an Einstein or Steve Jobs who may fumble at other things will rise to the occasion. Remember that Man plans but God decides. 

This same courage in magnanimity is needed in many areas in our lives. I can tell you that not doing what many other parents are doing for their children can make you wonder if you have done the right thing. Trying to achieve work life balance way before it was being discussed as a subject may have resulted in huge losses career or business and money-wise. I just want to share with you that long time ago, if you merely suggested that the earth is round could get your head removed and relocated! 

The Good Samaritan 

Magnanimity teaches us to love and to understand that anyone who has a need should be taken care of with profound magnanimity. The focus is never on self. Surely you have heard of the word Samaritan or the Good Samaritan? The Good Samaritan's act is one of profound magnanimity. He was full of compassion when he found a man who was way laid and injured by robbers. He treated his wounds, gave food, water and wine and housed him at an inn, paid the inn-keeper more to take care of him and will repay the inn-keeper more when he was back.

This act goes beyond generosity and showed there are no limits to kindness, service and love. It demands that we should live our lives the same way so that the truly happy people are the magnanimous ones. Treat your neighbours the same way instead of "choping" a car park lot by placing dustbins as obstacles for a start. People in contemporary society just live for themselves and are full of ego and this my friend is a major obstacle. Come down from your high horses. The horses can go graze freely themselves. Then you are on level ground and begin to see the same things at that same level. An inclusive society should take care of that and even those who fell through the crack.

Earlier, I was talking about being number one - Numero Uno. If I were to share with a group of parents they will think that my attitude could be lax and I had no idea of strategic parenting for I am a firm believer that education should be wholesome and fun. You learn not to score for exams. We really have to look into why we have to be first in everything even when driving where you get these drivers who cut into your path suddenly to jump queue or simply to be ahead some times nearly causing a collision and when you look into the rear mirror there are no cars behind.

Why do you feel compelled to constantly wanting to get ahead?What values are you imparting to our young and our children? Why must your daily grind be endless? What do you hold dear in your life? Money? Fame? Glamour? Children who are stressed may not express them well. Have you spent time with them and have fun through play rather than just enrichment classes? Singapore has great successes in many fronts in the business and international arena. Would second or third hurt you so badly? I know, nobody remembers the runners-up but only the champions in soccer, swimming, badminton or any other race or competition. 

Why are Singaporeans so afraid to lose? When you know you have done your best with your honest work then there is nothing to be ashamed of. Or do you worry and feel frustrated that your dream house and dream car are getting beyond your reach? For us to overcome all these traits imbibed and inherent in us we need to learn to be gracious. This is why I mentioned magnanimity. Magnanimity, empathy and humility.

Humility is the quality of having the freedom from arrogance and pride. Empathy is the capacity to recognise feelings that are being experienced by another. Magnanimity is to be courageously noble in heart and mind. Humility, Empathy and Magnanimity. Put them together and you will get HEM. The hem is the border or edge on a piece of cloth, garment or curtain folded down and firmly stitched and therefore, not so easily torn. Can you imagine the "HEM" quality! With these qualities, you will never loose! I mean "You Will Never Loose Alone" and sing to the anthem of Liverpool FC. Because I assure you, there are not many around with these qualities for they dare not loose. If you dare not loose, you have already lost. Lost your marbles? Losing your marbles is to have lost your mind or gone mad. It's a mad world. Adam Lambert sings for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyyESHqT9a4

Gary Jules wrote this and has been performed by Tears For Fears.

"All around me are familiar faces. Worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for the daily races. Going nowhere, going nowhere..."

Or just simply join me to do the Gangnam Style:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0

Dear friends and readers, when you are afraid, you have already lost. Lots of people feel insecurity and want absolute control in life which in real life is a fallacy. That is the tip of your iceberg. Confidence comes from acknowledging the fact that there is no such thing in life where only two things are certain - death and taxes. Have you met anyone who wish to pick that perfect son-in-law or daughter-in-law? Wife, husband or friends? There is none! The only thing then that needs certainty is yourself. Hem it in. Yes, H.E.M. Have a stupendous weekend!