Men & Women

Are Women From Venus & Men From Mars?

Men and Women are as different as day and night and yet we need to co-exist with one another and at close proximity too. We think and feel differently and our instincts are not the same yet due to living, working, studying and liaisons at close quarters, resentment can develop due to an inability to understand the other. They say men are physical and women are emotional. A man may cracked his head looking for a present for his lady and after going through so much he must be feeling like he has already given much but to the lady it may often be not enough. She needs more than a present. She needs some privacy with candle light, she needs to be talked to, told that she looks great, she needs the man to constantly talk to them, think of them on a regular basis as if you don't have soccer or rugby to watch, golf to play or buddies to drink with. She thinks to herself why are men so dumb doing all these silly stuffs all the time. She thinks to herself "why don't the guys open the doors for ladies anymore?" and the guys are probably thinking "they have hands too why can' they open doors like everyone else since they found the equality of the sexes?" Men wants to be pampered but today's women's are bosses, managers, supervisors and also order people in the office. It doesn't help that romantic novels and Hollywood paints a fairy tale life.

Growing Up & Dealing With Problems

When we were growing up we have strong signs of our differences. Of course some are tomboys and others are sissies. The boys play with guns and swords and dinosaurs. The girls with dolls and their cooking sets. When both my children were young, I saw my boy using his dinosaur, a T-Rex to eat up my girl's dolls. There you go. Men are macho beings as since the old days, it is okay for women to cry but men who shed tears are not very manly. So some guys may actually subvert their own frustrations without talking to anyone about it and this in turn cause further problems as they may lead to depression or an outburst in some ways while it is in the nature of women to talk. Women likes to talk even if they have no solution to a problem while the guys would just retreat as if there are no problems. They go drinking with buddies, they golf with friends but inside of them they may be feeling very troubled. It is a kind of escape in dealing with the problem, just retreating for the time being and then coming back to it later. Women perhaps just need a listening ear to receive reassurances, to get some her burdens off her chest and may be help her out with a few chores to get her back on her feet. But the guys are thinking "why can't she look for something happy to do?"

Dilemma

Some people wanted a boyfriend or girlfriend when they don't have one. It's like seeing your friend having a pet dog and you wanted one but you probably haven't fully understood that playing with a dog and caring for it can totally cop you out. Same reasons some singles wanted marriage while the married ones sometimes lament that they wish they were single. Again, don't read too much romantic novels and expect your husband to be the main character in the novel. You are lucky if he has character in the first place. Your knight in shining armour could be a hoax. Husbands, do not expect your wife to be like the sexy heroine in the movies. They are all selling wrong concepts. Boy meets girl, fell in love and it was love at first sight when she dropped her books and he bumped into her....and they live happily ever after. That's a fairy tale. In movies and advertisements especially those who want to sell you a house or a car they made everything so perfect in its time. In real life, it takes a lot of commitment to get things going including making sacrifices and very often closing one eye. You squeeze the toothpaste wrongly and a fight can break out.

Courtship

They say love is blind. During courtship people can do all kinds of things as they become lovey-dovey such that in this world there are only two persons. You are blind to each other's fault. If your opposite can only treat you well but not others, be warned as one day you might become like the others for example when your looks waned or money runs dry. In courtship, it's everything can do. Pick me up at 11, no problem, you drop everything and rush there. Cancels all other appointments even if they were fixed before this. You go to the ends of the earth for him or her. This is not normal. Start this and live like this the rest of your lives.

Married

Once married, people begin to take things for granted. "Please take a train home yourself, I am meeting up with friends". Uh-oh. When you come home by 7 pm each day and then one day you only returned by 8pm. "What happened? Why are you so late?" Some guys might think - it's better I not return home so early everyday. This is a natural order of things. Every action has an opposite reaction. Some wives are unduly suspicious. When the hubby told them the truth they wouldn't have it so hubby starts to lie for convenience and they believe. So there is no incentive for truths. The other guys who were lying are getting away. Same like the work place isn't it? So everyone starts to deteriorate. People will choose easier ways for better gains. Do reward truthfulness. Husbands need to be committed and respectful for the wife and the family and wives need not be a control freak over their husbands. Wives who control too much ends up with husband that are like Gremlins running lose when the wives are not around because the air of freedom is so rarefied and precious. Decent looking and soft spoken people can also be the most dangerous. Do not judge a book by its cover. A woman may also say ten or twenty times more words than a man on any typical day like "please bring the rubbish out, fix the light, fix the cabinet, clear the magazines, fetch the children, mow the lawn and do not watch TV" and all the man could hear is "watch TV".

Trust Not Fear

Ultimately, you have to create mutual trust. I have written about fears. What about the fear of the wife? Or the husband? I know Claustrophobia is the fear of Santa Claus but what do you call the fear of the wife? There are really people out there who fear their husbands or their wives. How can two people living so close live in fear? Fear must be totally and completely removed in such a relationship or else nothing will progress. How do you find your work when you work in constant fear? When your partners, colleagues do not trust each other? You have to have mutual trust and respect. You can keep a dog at home and bring it for a walk on a leash but that does not mean it will never get fleas but you keep a dog at home too long and let it out after a long time, it will go running around like a mad dog. Conversely, you live in a country side with rolling hills and the woods and you leave your dog roaming without a leash it will still faithfully come home and lay by your side no matter what they saw outside. I am not saying you are like a dog but that is faithfulness. You either have it or you don't. It is a choice. However, trust is a very fragile thing like humpty dumpty and once you break it, it becomes very tough to put humpty dumpty together again. Dig your trenches together and dig them deep. It can protect you during an onslaught when the enemies attack. In any type of relationship, fear is a dirty four letter word because it represents imbalance and lopsidedness and puts on unnecessary stress. Awesome respect is the most you get, never fear. If your other half runs away for being unfaithful, let them go. They do not deserve you. You should thank God that you found out early.

Strays

Stray cats and dogs will get rounded and send to a home. Sometimes, they got culled. Human too can stray. Tiger and Rooney strayed. Even Ashley Cole strayed when he has the most beautiful wife in the world in Cheryl Cole. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIptREpXbaU&feature=fvst Why? Because they have too much money and have nothing to do? Because they feel the power? Because prostitutes are professionals so after you have watched the excitement of the EPL you are losing interest in the S-League? Hollywood versus local production of a movie? You don't get high over 4 drinks anymore and you need 8. Always chasing a new high? Even women stray these days. I don't know, I am just asking questions and asking questions can lead to right answers.

Save Your Marriage

If we just stay still and ponder, we can try to live our lives backwards so as to have a peep at the future we intend to have and that is dependent on what we do now. What could endanger us in the current? To save our marriage, we have to begin with the end in mind. Are we working too long hours we have no time for each other? Hollywood marriages seldom last as people stay away too long from one another and then there are other temptations. Absence makes the heart grows fonder they say. It is supposed to be a case of your absence making the other's heart grow fonder for you and in this case, yes, the more you are absent, the fonder the other fellow will get. It may come to this. You want to save it you have to start from the beginning or even before you got married. A man with a wife that trusts him can stride forth with full confidence and the relationship can even survive any sabotage or strain. It takes two hands to clap. Both need to be committed to an unbreakable bond with a family first attitude.

Eat, Pray, Love

Society is such since dinosaur roamed the earth. The early man sees a woman he likes, club them and drag them home. Today, women are on an equal standing with their fellow men. They could also carry a club and wield it if they saw a man they like. There are temptations everywhere as in the modern day, everyone celebrates a lifestyle that is more affluent. The early man has no laws laid down for them but even countries or organisations have laws on corruption and yet you find corrupted people. Why? Temptation? Or just plain tired because nobody told me married life is like that? Eat, Pray, Love or Cheat, Stray, Lust the decision is solely yours.

Priorities

Everyone gets 24 hours a day which frankly is not enough. You have to work, rest, sleep, exercise, meet datelines, meet friends, do family chores, pursue hobbies, etc. Spend more time on one and the others get less time. If on average you work 8 hours (I know many work 10-12 hours), sleep 8 hours (I know many sleep just 4-5 hours) you have only 8 hours left for everything else. We do it so routinely that we forgot that work is the annoying time you stay awake between naps. Some matters are urgent, others are important but what is urgent may not be important and what is important may not be urgent. So how do we achieve a balance? It is all about priority. It is also about a prize to pay. The law of compensation. A successful career does not guarantee a successful family and vice versa. It takes a lot and rarely do you find both. Even an average Joe who is well spread out do not have enough time with the family. Less time means less communication which will eventually lead to less warmth. It is all about placing one thing above others. You will have to decide how to juggle them. It can be like juggling while walking on a tight rope. Therefore, both parties need to be transparent, understand, trust and give support to each other. Both are like performing the Flying Trapeze in a circus. Slip and things can really look bad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPWJc8sLhjo

Commitment

Love is great but love alone is not enough. When you are hungry you can't eat love. You need commitment. Commitment is like a pledge. Clench your fist and place it on your heart. It means you are committed and pledge to make things work regardless. A chicken and a pig was crossing over a road to other side when they saw a food outlet selling eggs and ham for breakfast. The chicken said to the pig: "Look how committed we are, we gave them eggs". The pig replied:"You call that commitment and you only gave eggs, we gave ham. Now that is what I call commitment"! Are you ready to give ham? C'mon be like a pig!

Spider Web

Meantime, everybody has some advice for everyone. Singles are being urged by family, relatives and well meaning friends to get married. Married couples are being urged to have children. People getting married later these days means somewhat more complications in conceiving and childbirth. Experts may tell you which month, which day and hour is the best time to conceive and then you find more haste is less speed and it leads to performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is equal to stress and too much stress leads to frustrations. I mean things happen when your mind is calm and you are totally relax and free from stress. That's how you play good golf or how babies are conceived. If you want a baby, be stress free like you are on holiday, better still make it a holiday and let nature takes its course. Before that, put your hands together and whisper: "Dear God, please give us a baby". Lots of people got married without realising that fairy tales are fairy tales and thought they got themselves into a Nightmare from Elm Street. Trust is like spider web. Humans can damage spider webs easily but when the spider web is strengthen and magnify to our human size, the elasticity and bond is so strong it can be unbreakable. Whether it is a relationship at work, in business, among friends or in a marriage, it has to be build on a solid foundation without which it can't survive a storm. Ben Parker (Spiderman's uncle) told Spiderman Peter Parker once: "with greater power comes greater responsibility". In the recent movie Kick Ass it was quoted tongue-in-cheek: "with no power comes no responsibility". Ladies and gentlemen, you have great power and it comes with great responsibility. Don't just admire your own nose sticking in front of you. Look beyond and much further.

Finally...

More and more people married for better or for worse but never for good. Don't worry about your woman or man running away. Those who won't will not. Those that do will have their regrets. If it is about breakdown of communication, it is unfortunate. A woman may find a man outside who seems better than the husband and for that matter a man may find a woman outside who seems better than the wife. That is because you are not sharing household chores or paying the bills or are so close that there are bound to be friction. The grass always seems greener on the other side. You order your food at the restaurant and the other person's order seems better. These are not golf clubs that you can change as you please. Take the fear factor out of the equation. WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). No pretensions and come just as you are. Frankly who else in the world except the husband and the wife can stand each other?

Please refer to a previous article: http://gforce-guru.blogspot.com/2010/05/why-do-people-cheat.html

I wish that you take in the differences which was what made the world beautiful in the first place. Take off your Spiderman costume and show yourself Peter Parker! Power and great responsibility to all of you! When there is no fear, there will be peace and happiness. After you have finished reading give your other half a hug and give them trust and freedom.