Let Children Be Children
Teaching & Education
Less teaching and more learning. In the western world, children ask plenty of questions and teachers engaged them as an interaction. Here, teachers ask you to shut up and don't ask so many questions. In our time, many students got slapped on their faces and knocked on their heads and even pinched at the waist umpteen times so much so that we may have lost our original look and mind and if you go home and tell your parents, you get another dosage of the same.
Many could still not recite A-Z in primary one compared to today's children who are literate way before P1. There is no doubt that we have an excellent education system, result-wise churning out students who could ace their exams. But is education just about grades? Or is an overall development into a more than decent human being capable of independent thinking instead of through rote learning? we certainly have the IQ but how about our level of EQ?
Sad to say we score poorly in this area of great importance. The schools have competition which in itself is not a bad thing and teachers are pushing for grades to improve too and they are a highly stressed lot. Some still do things the stone age way and some just seem to dislike their jobs. Has it ever occur to anyone that the best way to learn or teach is to make learning fun and interesting. Is "fun" and "interesting" impossible?
The Universities up thier grades, the JCs follows, so do the Secondary schools and so too suffer the Primary. If our teaching in school is that good, why are tuition centres flourishing? Why are children so stressed out, highly myopic and losing their smiles at a very young age? Where is the joy that children should have? How are we going to be excellent in service when we stop smiling at a very young age? The schools blamed the parents, the parents blamed the schools and till this day, nobody can lay claim that we have achieved that "balance".
It is already inherent in us. There have been real situation of parents punishing their children for a drop in marks eventhough they are still in band one which the other 70% would gladly give an arm and a leg for. Then those who pile more tuition, homework, piano, ballet and swimming lessons. I have seen children crying protesting in their little minds that could not understand such a regime. Isn't it true for me to say that if parents were to take today's exams, we may not make it pass Primary school. Piano, ballet or swimming is good for the child only if they have an avid interest and passion for it or has shown natural flair.
Creativity is stifled and destroyed unless our children have more play time and interaction at play. Climbing trees, fishing, playing with toys and spending time with nature, etc. will proivde children with solid development in their EQ too. All children mature and grew at different stages. Some are early starters and may fade away. Others are late blommers. Some may be slower not because they are stupid but they may be less academically inclined but are surely talented in certain others ways. Shouldn't it be right to say that a child so long as he/she has tried his or her best being the most important criteria? Is it possible for us to "Let Children Be Children". A lost childhood can never be relived. Think about your own to understand this.
Many could still not recite A-Z in primary one compared to today's children who are literate way before P1. There is no doubt that we have an excellent education system, result-wise churning out students who could ace their exams. But is education just about grades? Or is an overall development into a more than decent human being capable of independent thinking instead of through rote learning? we certainly have the IQ but how about our level of EQ?
Sad to say we score poorly in this area of great importance. The schools have competition which in itself is not a bad thing and teachers are pushing for grades to improve too and they are a highly stressed lot. Some still do things the stone age way and some just seem to dislike their jobs. Has it ever occur to anyone that the best way to learn or teach is to make learning fun and interesting. Is "fun" and "interesting" impossible?
The Universities up thier grades, the JCs follows, so do the Secondary schools and so too suffer the Primary. If our teaching in school is that good, why are tuition centres flourishing? Why are children so stressed out, highly myopic and losing their smiles at a very young age? Where is the joy that children should have? How are we going to be excellent in service when we stop smiling at a very young age? The schools blamed the parents, the parents blamed the schools and till this day, nobody can lay claim that we have achieved that "balance".
It is already inherent in us. There have been real situation of parents punishing their children for a drop in marks eventhough they are still in band one which the other 70% would gladly give an arm and a leg for. Then those who pile more tuition, homework, piano, ballet and swimming lessons. I have seen children crying protesting in their little minds that could not understand such a regime. Isn't it true for me to say that if parents were to take today's exams, we may not make it pass Primary school. Piano, ballet or swimming is good for the child only if they have an avid interest and passion for it or has shown natural flair.
Creativity is stifled and destroyed unless our children have more play time and interaction at play. Climbing trees, fishing, playing with toys and spending time with nature, etc. will proivde children with solid development in their EQ too. All children mature and grew at different stages. Some are early starters and may fade away. Others are late blommers. Some may be slower not because they are stupid but they may be less academically inclined but are surely talented in certain others ways. Shouldn't it be right to say that a child so long as he/she has tried his or her best being the most important criteria? Is it possible for us to "Let Children Be Children". A lost childhood can never be relived. Think about your own to understand this.
Parents
Parents in their anxiety send their darlings to all kinds of extra coaching to be ready and ahead of the pack fearing that they may be left behind and at the same time to get ahead. Add on the extra lessons in piano, ballet, swimming, etc. parents are unwittingly trying to relive their lives through their children. We tell them it is for their own good fearing for their future like we had feared ours forgetting that we came along quite fine really.
"But today is a different world from ours" some parents would retort. We crammed them with all kinds of test papers thinking they could gain additional mileage. We gave them rewards when they achieved certain marks with a holiday or a new mobile phone, etc. We blame the schools but pile on the pressure ourselves. Some worked too hard and spent long hours away from home and in a sense of guilt buy many expensive stuffs for thier children as a substitute. Others spare the rod and spoil the child. Isn't it common to see parents telling their toddlers not to touch the electrical plugs or they will get caned only to find them saying the same thing later and repeated and an hour later still giving the same warning?
Then two hours later out of rage and sheer frustration suddenly picked up the cane and started thrashing their toddlers non-stop screaming their heads off. What went wrong here? Because the caning did not come at first when the warning expired and when the child thought it was okay, you went berserk and started whacking. The child did not learn anything and anger must never be in the punishment.
Punishment in itself is a form of correction not a manifestation of your anger due to other frustrations such as unhappiness at work, etc. Punishment when done correctly is a form of love. I have seen parents shouting at their child "Do it becuase I say so" when they were challenged and asked by their child "why must I do it". That position is tantamount to an abuse of power.
"But today is a different world from ours" some parents would retort. We crammed them with all kinds of test papers thinking they could gain additional mileage. We gave them rewards when they achieved certain marks with a holiday or a new mobile phone, etc. We blame the schools but pile on the pressure ourselves. Some worked too hard and spent long hours away from home and in a sense of guilt buy many expensive stuffs for thier children as a substitute. Others spare the rod and spoil the child. Isn't it common to see parents telling their toddlers not to touch the electrical plugs or they will get caned only to find them saying the same thing later and repeated and an hour later still giving the same warning?
Then two hours later out of rage and sheer frustration suddenly picked up the cane and started thrashing their toddlers non-stop screaming their heads off. What went wrong here? Because the caning did not come at first when the warning expired and when the child thought it was okay, you went berserk and started whacking. The child did not learn anything and anger must never be in the punishment.
Punishment in itself is a form of correction not a manifestation of your anger due to other frustrations such as unhappiness at work, etc. Punishment when done correctly is a form of love. I have seen parents shouting at their child "Do it becuase I say so" when they were challenged and asked by their child "why must I do it". That position is tantamount to an abuse of power.
That is why no one should ever use his or her hand to slap or hit a child anywhere even in punishment. The most appropriate being to use a cane and use it on the buttocks. A cane because "spare the rod and spoil the child" means that the child has to be told of his mistakes and the punishment administered would hurt enough for the child to realise the pain from the stroke and remember it without being severely hurt and the rod is clearly seen as a tool of punishment.
The hands are hands of love and provision when you use them to touch and hug someone or to give and provide food and support. The first 5-10 years of your child is of great importance as that is the time for your bonding which if it is lost may be difficult to redeem when the child goes in to teen rage years. Oops! It is teenage years. Peer pressure and influence from friends are common and if you have no place in their minds and hearts, you are gonna be in it for the long haul. However, how well you taught your children is no guarantee of how they would eventually turn out. You are just assuring yourself to be doing the right things as parents, to at least get this portion right since the other influence are their peers and friends. Many parents try to live their lives through their children without knowing that it would be futile.
The hands are hands of love and provision when you use them to touch and hug someone or to give and provide food and support. The first 5-10 years of your child is of great importance as that is the time for your bonding which if it is lost may be difficult to redeem when the child goes in to teen rage years. Oops! It is teenage years. Peer pressure and influence from friends are common and if you have no place in their minds and hearts, you are gonna be in it for the long haul. However, how well you taught your children is no guarantee of how they would eventually turn out. You are just assuring yourself to be doing the right things as parents, to at least get this portion right since the other influence are their peers and friends. Many parents try to live their lives through their children without knowing that it would be futile.
Napolean Hill Quote: Ralph Waldo Emerson once observed, "Our chief want in life is somebody who will make us do what we can." Although children doubtless do not recognize it at the time, they crave discipline, particularly during their formative years. Discipline defines boundaries for them, provides security, and is an active expression of a parent’s love.
Most important, it prepares them for the challenges of adulthood. If your childhood was less than perfect, you are in good company. Most of us have experienced difficulties at one time or another, and we all make mistakes from time to time. The good news is that while your environment as a child will have a profound influence upon the person you become, it is not the sole determinant. The person you choose to be is entirely up to you. Only you can decide who and what you will become in life.
Children
Obey your parents even if you are a teenager unless they are scumbags who teach you wrong. All parents love their children and can sometimes be over-protective. Some parents believe their children are so clever and independent that they allowed them complete freedom when making decisions or even walking on the streets. Both are extremes and extremes are dangerous.
Children at a more mature age especially in their youth must be more discerning especially when the parents' teaching comes with wisdom. No point getting scotched and burned to understand the pain yourself when you have already been told. You can't afford to make too mistakes yourself in a lifetime. The wise one learns from other people's mistakes. Young people feels like immortal because they have lots of energy to burn and feels like being mortalised takes a long time till a ripe old age when they are 60 but now they are only 17, so perhaps smoking a safe since they think they could still quit at 35 and be safe. But that's not how things work out in real life.
Youngsters do think that their parents belong to a generation that is primitive in thoughts, lifestle and too old-fashioned. Even for the music and songs of their times and the places they go to. They deemed these as uncool and unhip but they didn't realise that the Volkswagen Beetle with round lights, the taut-fitting shirts or floral prints of blouses, plenty of songs and music, etc., etc. were all retro. You called the previous old songs as oldies or you played them back as retro. The Chinese saying that the older folks have eaten more salt than the youngsters have eaten rice has some truths. Wisdom comes with age but not all aged adults are wise. Look around you and you can spot grandparents that misbehave or even have bad attitude.
Children usually do not do as theay are told, at least not all the time but they will surely do as you (parents) do. So be careful that your thoughts, words and action can so easily influence your children - for example, with child in toll and beating a traffic light at red without stopping when you saw that there were no vehicles on the other side or calling other adults stupid when you felt inconvenienced. Spare the rod and spoil the child is also an ultimte truth.
Whatever it is, your first 5, 10 and finally 15 years are crucial in your relationship and bonding with your children. Listen to them and be their friends. Today's neighbours' with closed doors and the internet and its world wide web makes it lonelier for each child and they face great dangers online too or out mixing around. It is not that they are not clever enough but because they are young, they surely needs guidance and protection for danger lurks in unknown corners and can sometimes seem to be harmless. Even adults can be gullible enough to fall into scams, what more children.
Love them much without comparing to others. Each is an individual with gifts of their own so do not expect each one to be the same as Beethoven or Einstein. Care for them without over-protection, let them fall a bit and pick themselves up. Some struggles in life are necessary to make them stong and resilient. Cutting up a cocoon to help a the butterfly out to spread its wings would eventually lead to its demise as the natural process of this struggle in the first place was to strengthen its wings. Lead by example, they become who you are. Love them without conditions. Do not love them more only if they aced their exams but love them more always and regardless. Help them to develop, lead and guide them along but do not get into them. Do not provoke them and never leave them feeling unwanted.
All parents, teachers and even the children themselves play a part in making it a successful relationship. It is my hope that many a child would have their dreams fulfilled and grow into fine young ladies and gentlemen of honour and ability living purposeful and fulfilling lives. Many a child suffers, parents grieve and teachers sigh in today's world each in their own compartmentalised thinking processes and emotions without a resolution. It is within everyone's reach to come to a clear and successful outcome in each family. Many the blessings be with you and a thousand flowers bloom for you.
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