Weddings & Funerals
Void Deck
When I first penned it that was in 2008. 30 December to be exact. I wrote the subject header because I really have something to say but never got started. It has since been more than a few years! Then one Amy Cheong, a Malaysian with Australian PR who works for NTUC Membership in Singapore opened a can of worms. To begin with, her nationality, PR status and where she once worked was already quite complicated. Before I proceed, I think Singapore is the only place on planet earth that has "void decks". So for others to understand, the void deck is just the ground floor of an apartment block with an open space, a deck that is void of anything except some pillars.
Culture And Engagement
Notice young children do not have any hang ups about race and status, etc. ? In fact I used to attend and enjoy such weddings - the last one was my mum's neighbour whom I knew as I used to stay there. It was his daughter's wedding. My mum have from time to time passed on food and things to her Malay neighbours and the neighbours have reciprocated with their food as well. In the old days, people spoke pasar melayu, in fact, my grandmother used such language at home where the soap even in dialect was called sabun, the towel was tuala and bread was roti.
Things are more endearing when you speak the language or embrace the culture. Even soccer players of the "Kallang Roar" time could speak in Malay when on the soccer pitch. I knew because I watched them trained. Uncle Choo's booming voice could be clearly heard: "Timbak!" shouting for the players to shoot. I have been to friends' home during Hari Raya or their birthdays. I remember Bohari who could balance himself with his feet on the spoke of his bicycle's front wheel while eating a plate of mee rebus and Asrori who lived at the top of the cemetery at Biddadari and what a lovely home that was where we ate together with our bare hands. Today, people just get home and close the door. I don't even know my Chinese friends. You are lucky if you know your neighbours.
When I first penned it that was in 2008. 30 December to be exact. I wrote the subject header because I really have something to say but never got started. It has since been more than a few years! Then one Amy Cheong, a Malaysian with Australian PR who works for NTUC Membership in Singapore opened a can of worms. To begin with, her nationality, PR status and where she once worked was already quite complicated. Before I proceed, I think Singapore is the only place on planet earth that has "void decks". So for others to understand, the void deck is just the ground floor of an apartment block with an open space, a deck that is void of anything except some pillars.
Culture And Engagement
Notice young children do not have any hang ups about race and status, etc. ? In fact I used to attend and enjoy such weddings - the last one was my mum's neighbour whom I knew as I used to stay there. It was his daughter's wedding. My mum have from time to time passed on food and things to her Malay neighbours and the neighbours have reciprocated with their food as well. In the old days, people spoke pasar melayu, in fact, my grandmother used such language at home where the soap even in dialect was called sabun, the towel was tuala and bread was roti.
Things are more endearing when you speak the language or embrace the culture. Even soccer players of the "Kallang Roar" time could speak in Malay when on the soccer pitch. I knew because I watched them trained. Uncle Choo's booming voice could be clearly heard: "Timbak!" shouting for the players to shoot. I have been to friends' home during Hari Raya or their birthdays. I remember Bohari who could balance himself with his feet on the spoke of his bicycle's front wheel while eating a plate of mee rebus and Asrori who lived at the top of the cemetery at Biddadari and what a lovely home that was where we ate together with our bare hands. Today, people just get home and close the door. I don't even know my Chinese friends. You are lucky if you know your neighbours.
The Amy Cheong saga raised a few questions. One - why did NTUC employed someone who is not a Singaporean in this capacity as Assistant Director of membership? Are there not enough capable Singaporeans in need of a job who could qualify? While most people saw it as a race issue, it may not necessary be. Could it be one of values and culture? Some people who are successful may frown on those who are less successful. The rich may despise the poor. Singaporean Chinese may have issues with Chinese from the Mainland just like Indian foreigners may have differences with our local Indian community. Have you noticed that people who lived in the West for awhile who came back speaking like they were born with a different tongue?
Human Bias
Human Bias
Just like some people may frown upon children when they are single and when they have their own, they live in a different world now. Like cyclists who hated motorists and vice versa but humans are always bias unless you consciously and consistently work on this deficit in your heart and mind. People everywhere tend to stereotype. In a sense Amy Cheong was also a scape goat, the omega for our human prejudice. The world is full of bigots. Still, I do not think it warranted someone to make a police report. Netizens by and large has done a good job.
Beware the era of the keyboard warrior. Many people think they are hidden and so can just say or write what they want. You had better be real. It is the same way some motorists are rude and crude, cutting queue when they should be lining up because nobody knew them as they are hidden in their cars. Talking and writing is the same as driving a car. Engage gear then step on the accelerator, engage brain then let your tongue and fingers lose.
People failed to understand that Malay weddings are communal by nature where the family members came together and got involved so that they actually have an ownership of the entire event where everybody participated.
We have to ask ourselves a simple question such as when you are in some kind of trouble, does it matter when the people rushing forth to help you are from a different race, faith, nationality or occupation and status? When you are hanging on to a branch at a cliff do you care to ask the helper for his status, race or faith before accepting his hand of friendship and salvation?
Beware the era of the keyboard warrior. Many people think they are hidden and so can just say or write what they want. You had better be real. It is the same way some motorists are rude and crude, cutting queue when they should be lining up because nobody knew them as they are hidden in their cars. Talking and writing is the same as driving a car. Engage gear then step on the accelerator, engage brain then let your tongue and fingers lose.
People failed to understand that Malay weddings are communal by nature where the family members came together and got involved so that they actually have an ownership of the entire event where everybody participated.
We have to ask ourselves a simple question such as when you are in some kind of trouble, does it matter when the people rushing forth to help you are from a different race, faith, nationality or occupation and status? When you are hanging on to a branch at a cliff do you care to ask the helper for his status, race or faith before accepting his hand of friendship and salvation?
Why Not?
In fact, I have at opportune times asked friends why they do not consider holding their wedding or children's wedding at void decks? After all hotel costs have escalated to $1,000 or $1,500 per table. Do we then expect guests to fork out a pro-rated red packet of $100 or $150 per person just to attend? What about those who can't afford it? What happens when you have one or two relatives' and another one or two friends' invitation in a month, sometimes it happens in the next month too. No wonder I hear people calling it "summons". Would the people coming see it as a joy or a burden? Or would you only give more when it is your boss's children's wedding? Should it not then be an invitation for those who are really close, are still in touch regularly and where both sides still feel the warmth of a relationship?
Manage Your Perception
Humans will have conflicts all the time - between parents and children, business partners, friends and family because there are egos, lack of understanding, perception problems and self-righteous thoughts. Even in this modern world, there are folks with different faiths within the family so different beliefs and practices can cause friction. It is how we manage it. While talking about weddings there are also funerals which can be nosier till late so should we ask the government to ban the use of void deck and increase the costs by using funeral parlours or wedding hosted at multi-purpose halls?
Manage Your Perception
Humans will have conflicts all the time - between parents and children, business partners, friends and family because there are egos, lack of understanding, perception problems and self-righteous thoughts. Even in this modern world, there are folks with different faiths within the family so different beliefs and practices can cause friction. It is how we manage it. While talking about weddings there are also funerals which can be nosier till late so should we ask the government to ban the use of void deck and increase the costs by using funeral parlours or wedding hosted at multi-purpose halls?
All these are fine with me as I grew up with it. Give and take lah. I was only angry when we were not allow to use the void decks for soccer where we honed our skills. Today's soccer players lack skills because we don't play off the streets and bumpy patches any more Many of the world's most skilful players started from the streets. Finally, of more concern to me and I think for all people of different race and creed in society are related to weddings and funerals. Let me share:
Weddings And Funerals
Firstly, my name is Bean, just Bean (antyhing that can go wrong, will)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=Uj6kf5j1tts
The very first wedding song I heard as a child was this unforgettable song called The Wedding by Julie Rogers. I saw many happy faces. They were joyous occasions. I was wide-eye as a child on these occasions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=Uj6kf5j1tts
The very first wedding song I heard as a child was this unforgettable song called The Wedding by Julie Rogers. I saw many happy faces. They were joyous occasions. I was wide-eye as a child on these occasions.
Ave Maria! was written by Franz Schubert. This version was sung by Celine Dion:
One is red and the other is white they say. The twain shall not meet. This is especially true for the Chinese. This was the superstition that we lived by and I have learned since I was a child by listening to and observing the adults. You are not allowed to attend a wedding after you have attended a funeral or you are not allowed to visit other people's home for 100 days after a family bereavement, etc. Even if you do not subscribed to it, you may still have to observe the code simply because you may cause uneasiness to the other persons who do.
There are also rare occasions where due to such practice, you were prevented from attending such occasions be it a wedding or funeral of someone very close. There are also explanations where you are prevented from attending either type because by reading your fortunes or numbers, bad luck or misfortunes shall befall those who defy it by being present on such occasions. These are taboo subjects so to speak. When I was very young, I would ask in all innocence why this is so and so on and when the adults or the elders ran out of answers, they would tell me not to be disobedient or disrespectful. Quite frequently in schools, the teachers would use the same ruse when they have no answers. Even now, I am sure talking to anyone including friends I will face the same reactions. Some may think I am trying to be funny but all I wanted are answers.
Superstitions And Traditional Practices
The only reason I see why we should not attend a wedding after a funeral is probably because of the sombre mood due to mourning and you don't want to bring sadness to an otherwise joyous and happy occasion. I will always ask the same question when it comes to the crunch and that would be does the same thing apply to Caucasians, Westerners and non-Chinese. If not, why are the Chinese being punished and cursed? Why shouldn't it be a level playing field. Why do the "ang moh" attend both weddings and funerals in either order and they still remain unaffected, they could still prosper and not suffer bad luck and misfortunes.
Could it be because we believe it at first and since we believe it and everything that happens after that was a cause of our beliefs and we see it with tinted glass and all negative things that occurred was a result of that? But don't bad things happen even on the best days and good things also happen on bad days? The fact is that they do. Another plausible reason is simply because since they say that, we had better not try it - better be safe than sorry like those chain letters now chain emails. Send it and you will strike it rich (sounds like a pact with the devil) and you will rot in your chair if you don't or maybe your sex organ will drop off. Murphy's Law said that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
For the record, I have destroyed every chain latter/email I have received since I was a little boy. No wonder I am still suffering? It depends on what basis and who I am comparing myself with. We are already so fortunate being born in Singapore, aren't we? If we were to compare ourselves with people who we think are better off, we may feel inadequate and even small. Hey, but we don't know what they are really going through so don't be too fast to want to trade places. To counter balance that effect, take another good look around you and around the world and I am absolutely certain that you really aren't too bad at all and in fact I would like to say good!
Could it be because we believe it at first and since we believe it and everything that happens after that was a cause of our beliefs and we see it with tinted glass and all negative things that occurred was a result of that? But don't bad things happen even on the best days and good things also happen on bad days? The fact is that they do. Another plausible reason is simply because since they say that, we had better not try it - better be safe than sorry like those chain letters now chain emails. Send it and you will strike it rich (sounds like a pact with the devil) and you will rot in your chair if you don't or maybe your sex organ will drop off. Murphy's Law said that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
For the record, I have destroyed every chain latter/email I have received since I was a little boy. No wonder I am still suffering? It depends on what basis and who I am comparing myself with. We are already so fortunate being born in Singapore, aren't we? If we were to compare ourselves with people who we think are better off, we may feel inadequate and even small. Hey, but we don't know what they are really going through so don't be too fast to want to trade places. To counter balance that effect, take another good look around you and around the world and I am absolutely certain that you really aren't too bad at all and in fact I would like to say good!
I just wanted you to be aware that President Obama once attended the mass funeral at Fort Hood before he came to Singapore for the APEC. All Asean leaders shook his hands too. Does this mean bad luck and misfortune or is his purpose of the visit to bring home a message of USA's ommitment to Asia and free trade and all things positive? Aargh! No wonder there is a recession going on.
Man In Chain
Having too many of these beliefs makes us feel like a man in chain. It restricts freedom, movements and stifles us with fear. They used to say that women should not bathe or take showers after givng birth and must never wash their hair during this period for quite some time. Some folks still practise it. I found that this practice originated from China and as you know in the very old days living in China means that you have the seasons and during the cold season it is easy to catch a cold, the flu and get ill and it is even colder when you were further North. Moreover, you don't get heaters at home nor warm and heated water those days. Add to that strong winds in the country side and you will find that even strong and fit people can fall sick. Fast forward to modern life and cities, does this practice still applies? Definitely not! Listen to Tears For Fears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI9lo5BRJmg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsiS8hij7Pk
Man In Chain
Having too many of these beliefs makes us feel like a man in chain. It restricts freedom, movements and stifles us with fear. They used to say that women should not bathe or take showers after givng birth and must never wash their hair during this period for quite some time. Some folks still practise it. I found that this practice originated from China and as you know in the very old days living in China means that you have the seasons and during the cold season it is easy to catch a cold, the flu and get ill and it is even colder when you were further North. Moreover, you don't get heaters at home nor warm and heated water those days. Add to that strong winds in the country side and you will find that even strong and fit people can fall sick. Fast forward to modern life and cities, does this practice still applies? Definitely not! Listen to Tears For Fears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI9lo5BRJmg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsiS8hij7Pk
Anway, all the talk above is not what my message is all about. It is about our life and what little time we have everyday. We have faster cars and trains, modern technologies and equipment that aid us in everything to make tasks simpler, faster and more convenient. Yet we have increasingly less time. Everybody has to work faster, work more, 24/7 to produce more so that we could sell more to more people and therefore earn more and get the whole world to buy more in an endless cycle of consumerism lapping up things we often do not need and those that we do only to discard at lightning quick pace and be replaced with a newer ones, the latest version, the most up-to-date trend. We are nothing but just a pawn on the chess board?
What would be left of you and I if we were not plugged into the system? The successful countries' bubbles would burst and the population would be aged. They will have new problems with their success as all the people with new found wealth would end up eating all the rich food which brings about new diseases with it. Too much pressure at work, too much drinking, children left on their own, moral values are rapidly declining each generation. Due to lack and time and cost increase, people have less children - only one, maybe none, just stayed married with no children. Perhaps get a pet as replacement, abandon the pet when too busy. Some do not even wish to consider marriage. Some turn to the same sex. From USA to Europe to Japan, then Singapore and everywhere else. Success bring along a new set of problems. Where do we go from here? We don't even have time for ourselves in a time compressed world.
How Often Do People Meet?
How Often Do People Meet?
This brings me to the next question. When we meet relatives and friends these days, it is usually more and more only during weddings and funerals some of which we couldn't even make it for various reasons like some folks travel frequently. In the meantime, time and tide wait for no man. Each day and week just fly past. What are we going to do about it? You may think, we are too busy there is no need and no time to meet. Very soon, you will come to a stage where all these busy things don't matter one bit. Believe you me, it is coming sooner than you think. You had better do something about it now while you can. After all what is life about? Relationships!
Where have all the people gone? Where have all the flowers gone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMp5YBW-nJ4
I am finding that I am meeting many relatives and friends only when attending a wedding or a funeral. Is that good? Nooooo! If you are reading this and are still with me right now? Do you agree with me that you too experience it?
Will you follow me?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JVhbusBDi4&feature=related
Do something about it. Don't just meet up during weddings and funerals. Do you agree? Dust your butt and go meet some real people. How else do you want to be remembered? What inscription would you like on your tombstone? Someone was saying to scatter his ashes into the sea. Do it at the wrong place and you can get a fine. So I suggested to scatter his ashes at the pubs he frequented.
Watch this from 4 Weddings And A Funeral:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JMuyzm3JRU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_a-eXIoyYA
http://allpoetry.com/poem/8493081-Funeral_Blues-by-W_H_Auden
Watch this from 4 Weddings And A Funeral:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JMuyzm3JRU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_a-eXIoyYA
http://allpoetry.com/poem/8493081-Funeral_Blues-by-W_H_Auden
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