Neighbours

What Are Neighbours?


What are neighbours? A person or persons who live near or next to another. Neighbours can be boon of bane  but we can't really choose our neighbours can we? One can try to choose neighbours if you are shifting into an old neighbourhood but for a new precinct or new home or office, you would have selected a house sometimes not knowing who the neighbours are. Even if you do, sometimes the good folks may move for various reasons and new ones come in. In theory it does not matter who your neighbours are. If you are nice and friendly they will respond in kind right?


Lousy Neighbours

Wrong! Once, I moved into an old neighbourhood at a corner  unit. The moment we moved in, the next door neighbour started his hostility. The couple hung their clothes along the parapet at the corridor right up to just outside my house. We didn't mind but he complained and made so much noise just because we left a broom just outside our door claiming that all the space outside belonged entirely to them only. When our new refrigerator arrived the delivery men tore open and left the cardboard packaging outside temporarily and the unreasonable neighbour came out immediately to complain. They tried to dominate us because we were nice. These will rank among the worst types of neighbours one could get. I asked God for wisdom, self-control and a solution.


I knew they could never win in an argument based on law or reason but I had a wife at home with two very young children so I clenched my fists and bit my lips like a provoked Bruce Lee in Fists of Fury. Even for a super patient guy like me, I knew there will be trouble because the guy really irked and provoked you each time unreasonably. Later, they moved out, so we never got to find out who hit who first. They killed any possible conversation and friendship before we even started. Was it my loss or his? I can tell you that if you know how to love only yourself, your family and your own children alone, you are not much of a person. Why do people justify to themselves things that are wrong and believe them to be right?  

Neighbours During Childhood

Way back when I was a child, there was a kampung (village) behind near where we lived. Almost everybody knew one another because there were no doors nor boundaries. If there were doors, they were left opened. Within our block of old houses, there was the Singh family on the ground floor below us who were friendly and I learned later they owned a sports shop that used to be located at Peninsula Shopping Centre. They were well liked. The Chinese family opposite us were quiet and kept mostly to themselves and kept a huge pot of cactus outside. The one above them was a bigger family whose head of family was a contractor and was noisier. He bought his two teenage sons a full drum set so you can imagine what happened when a session was on. One day, there was some misunderstanding and both families almost came to blows. 

Fast forward many years later (some years ago, at a friend's wedding I met a guy sitting at the same table who looked familiar). We introduced and I told him he looked familiar. Amazingly, he asked me if I once lived at Kim Keat and if I remembered the neighbour next door? It was amazing that he could recognized me because when we have last seen each other, I was still a child. He now owned a toy factory in China and has an office in Hong Kong. 

The family that lived at the corner below us was the friendliest. They were Hainanese. The Hainanese are one of the smallest dialect groups here but somehow I have been surrounded by them since young but for happy reasons. Maybe God put them there for me for a reason. More on that another time. Finally, not much was known or remembered by me on the unit above us but I remember vividly an incident one day when we were playing at the common corridor, this huge guy from the family above (maybe he was like Primary Six), shoved me - this little kindergarten-aged boy at the stairs. When my elder sister (maybe around Primary three) saw that she took our toy rifle and gave him a good smack. He was stunned, looked back at us and then wisely walked away. Thank you sis, I will never forget that act of bravery. If I told you who shove me today, I am sure you will smack them again without hesitation. This time, I will pass you a golf club. That was my first taste of what being bullied felt like.


Not all neighbours during those days were great but overall it was still by and large pretty good. There wasn't much to do so most people were home and tend to mingle more. I mean the nearest and biggest departmental store was Metro at High Street at the time.

Neighbours During Teens

Whenever I go visit someone, I will always watch their neighbours to ascertain what kind of people we have in Singapore. Some have such good neighbours, I envy them. They visit one another sometimes, share a drink, sends food to another, meet up for a chat and even golf together. The time during which I was a teenager and as a young adult were the best. Most neighbours different as they were were alright but there were two families - couples with toddlers who had a misunderstanding and a fight broke out one day. Once, one of these families' home caught fire as the owner was accidentally locked out while cooking half way. Everybody tried to help and it ended with someone using a hammer to smash open the door. Not sure if the guy was asked to pay for a new door later. Haha.

Then there was a woman upstairs who had mental problems. One day she was so strong she overturned a huge wooden Toto booth downstairs. This was a time where I had made so many friends around our age. Neighbours during this time for me was not restricted to next door or upstairs and downstairs. It included the next few blocks in Toa Payoh and more spreading all the way from Lorong 4 to Lorong 1 precincts.

Life was carefree and we could just meet impromptu while walking in the neighbourhood and then we could end up playing soccer, badminton or planning the next fishing trip. We knew all the shop owners from the provision shops, coffee shops, market stalls, barber shops, bicycle shops, flower shop and stationery store. Of course the guys would know where all the pretty girls were. I used to know one John Mo I think his Chinese name is Weng Chong whose parents owned the stationery store. A good-looking boy who spoke well and was our best badminton player as he was the most experienced and well-trained. I like him but even searching for him in face book could not yield a result. Of course, there is Ben, a naturally talented badminton player with a great backhand, my closest buddy in the entire neighbourhood.  Just glad that we are still in touch. Where are you John?


Neighbours In Recent Years


It helps that your friends and neighbours indulge in similar interests and activities but still it depends on how you receive people. Do you receive people the way you wanted people to receive you? It is the same as the "Golden Rule" - Do to others what you want others do to you". Simple. I found it easier to give then to receive. We humans need to have an awareness that there are other people in this world in our midst and they are people just like you.


Once, I knew a neighbour who would allow his children to come over to play when they were busy or invite me for golf when he was short of a player but one day when they shifted not a word was uttered to us. Then there was another who would asked us for small help now and then but when they too relocated, we were not informed. Not that they owed us anything nor do I need to borrow money but it just gave me an impression that people are nice to you only when they need your help or when it is a matter of convenience. Is it not decent to inform your friends that you are moving and to leave a contact of your mobile phone or email? Or you do that only when there is material gain or when there is potential future business. Are we too busy and self absorbed for our own good?


There was one neighbour who seems to live alone and you never knew if he were home. Each morning, free tabloid of "Today" newspapers were delivered to our doorsteps. Isn't that great? When we noticed that his "Today" papers were left unattended and sometimes piling up we would place them neatly right at his door. Sometimes, over a few days, there were several sets of papers and we would do the same thing as a good neighbour should. Finally, one fine day, when I left for work a little later, I bumped into him and finally got to see his face. What he did next was shocking as he simply walked across the newspapers on the floor without even picking it up. I decided immediately that my daily friendly neighbourliness of picking up the papers for him has been terminated. I read about old folks living alone and dying without anyone knowing so I don't want my neighbours o die on me and this fellow is not an old man.

Neighbours can get you into trouble. A few years back, some neighbouring shops in Hougang placed goods along stairways and corridors and when there was a fire in the dead of night, a family trying to escape ran straight into a trap and perished. I still have neighbours in the block who discard their old furniture, cabinets, shelves, card boards, dressers with broken mirror at the lift landing blocking the stairway escape route. How much have we been educated? If we take photos of these and have their owners whoever belongs to these discarded items proudly stand beside them, would they be glad or ashamed? Why can't they spare $20 as incentive for the cleaners to take them away when they can afford spanking new stuffs?

I am sure there are many people out there who are so poor because the only thing they have is money. We are much more successful as a people and as a nation but are we really better? As a person? So Bhutan is no Shangri-La? When Sylvia Lim asked for more focus on the happiness index, she was taken to task. Pritam Singh was asked to put his hand on his heart. We are all great teachers but poor students. Chen Show Mao put it eloquently, succinctly and most profoundly - it is because we are different that we are one. Having differences in opinion and thinking is not equal to a division. Intolerance to differences is.

If you have experienced the magic of sharing and caring in the form of the kampong spirit you will know what I mean. Moving into high rise flats or condominiums made things worse. When parents are both out at work, the children returns home and the door is closed. Bonds are no longer there. Everybody just retreats to their cocoon and privacy. Things may get worse in the future. If you have good neighbours now, treasure their friendship and warmth. I learned most from mum who always treated the neighbours so well without expecting anything in return. Prosper thy neighbours.