Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
They say nice guys finish last. Do you agree? It all started from the dating scene where girls would usually say that they like guys to be sensitive, helpful, open doors for them, treat them nice, etc. but when the girls finally date guys they often choose to go on a date with the bad boys, the more dangerous fellows who are more impulsive, crazy, a bit more reckless types.
Well, for a start, we need to have a better definition of "nice". If they are referring to nerdy guys who can be used as floor mats and often got stepped all over, is plainly submissive and still say thank you to people after they have been abused is simply being none the wiser but if being nice means gentlemanly, considerate, trustworthy then it is a different kind of nice. I do not think it to be true. Dating is just a small part of life and there are bigger dates awaiting you in terms of you career, work, business and other relationship and things that matter in life. Like the guy who got stabbed with a knife in the office by a bad hat and still say "please would you remove the knife from my back on your way out as you will still need it to stab someone else again?"
Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nDq1HoNm-E
Nice Guys Finish Last - Cobra Starship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TE6hlsruIU
So do you think and agree that nice guys finish last at work too? In my previous articles recently, I touched on gratitude and people told me few people are grateful for the help they have been given. I told them not to worry and that nice guys won't finish last to which they retorted that nice guys will not only finish last but nice guys will finish dead. I don't know what to say but at that point if I were to believe them, I would start asking myself if I were a nice guy and how have I been faring?
I don't deserve to be last and dead! Am I nice or should I continue to be nice? What about you? Have you ever heard someone saying to another -"the trouble with you is that you are too nice". I do not doubt that this refers to my earlier explanation about being a floor mat type personality. Not only do you allow people to walk over you and onto you but you put the words "welcome and thank you" too as one can see on some floor mats. This phrase actually came about from baseball when a manager told his team to look at the opponents:"Look at them, they are nice guys but they will finish last!"
A genuinely nice guy is adorable and desirable but there are those who are only purportedly nice or who themselves think and believe they are nice but actually they can be possessive, clingy or so insecure they try to be overly nice making them neither nice or lovable. Worse still, they are never nice at all but they think and insist they are, irking people all around. People may even avoid them like the plague. Another trait could be like a disease. A disease to please others and live to other people's expectation such that you suppress yourself to please or satisfy others. On the other extreme, some nice folks may actually have ulterior motives. Carrying a baby in one hand, knife in the other folded behind his back.
Type One nice guy is so polite like he is with his grandmother, does not take charge, becomes a doormat, doesn't know what to say to women or anyone, very shy socially, nervous when with women or anyone, accept women's or any one's bad behaviour and demands.
Type Two nice guys are confident among guys or women, has initiative and is charming, enjoys the company of women or others and respect them and yet have plenty of time in other pursuits of life. So who are you really?
I term a nice guy as someone who does not have a win at all costs attitude which means tripping other people. It is not about just holding hands and singing songs pleasing everybody. You will still need to focus on results but with ethics. It simply means you must have empathy, compassion but is generally positive. You are someone who is with people and people like you and you want to win too but you carry people with you by winning the respect of your subordinates. You need to have a great deal of EQ or Emotional Intelligence. You do not talk down to people or walk all over them neither do you let them walk over you.
How?
A nice guy must understand that he can't be totally devoting all his time doing things for other people to the point that he is not taking care of himself. Good to do things for others but not to this point so you will need to learn to say "No" when you need to, if not you are in danger of being a doormat. If you can't take care of yourself, you won't be worth much in the eyes of others. How can you help others when you can't help yourself? If you can't swim, you want to jump into the pool to save a damsel in distress? You jump, I jump then all dead.
Never worship the ground others walk on even for that of a beautiful woman or someone you think is great. That is idolatry. It will lead you to self-inflicted pain and frustration. If we were to live our lives fulfilling the whims and fancies of others, you can't have a fulfilling life of your own because you are setting yourself for major disappointment. You deserve better than that. You have to love yourself and treat yourself well before you can love or treat others well. Just do not fall in love with your own reflection like Narcissus. The people that you are in awe of or you worship are just humans just like you or yes they can be actually worse than you so have a life and develop your own interest and you shall become interesting to others.
You do not need a person's permission to be happy nor to be made somebody in order to be happy. If this is the case, then whatever you are indulging in, is doing or the way your feelings are, then they are unhealthy. If someone or people compliment you for who you are, it is okay but you do not need anyone to define you and this is it!
The Business End
Some may feel failure, rejection or humiliation when they loose a business deal, a promotion or a boyfriend/girlfriend when others snoop or swoop on it. There is no need to feel anger or resentment. Do nice guys finish last at work or in business? A more successful person probably just have better acumen, a little luck or is more hard working. Why slam others' products or services or badmouth the competition? The best advert in the world is always going to be word of mouth.
The difference between the nice guys and the not so nice guys is that often we do not see the full and complete picture. What some bad fellows get may be temporary success and folks would lament: "You see the bad guy got away with anything". Even as that person appears successful to you, he may not have many friends. Nice guys provide friends with support, motivation and inspiration. A highly successful and wealthy person can have many friends but are they true friends or just fixtures so long as the money lasts? Are your self-centredness, behaviour and endeavours alienating the very people that are the closest and truest to you? Then again, who are we really to be judge and jury to decide who is good or bad? Truth is you can know them from a mile.
A nice guy who may finish last will always be held in high regard because it is a rare commodity. He may not be in first place but slow and steady wins the race and that is the race to a goal of achieving true happiness and success. Everybody today looks for quick success as it is harder and takes much longer to build trust and the payoff seems better for the short term and people do not see beyond. Yes nice guys may not get credit when it is due because we live in a dog eat dog world where everyone wants to be numero uno. Often times, people can steal your ideas and the credit from you. It happens all the time. But since the ideas are not their own, they do not have the talent to conceive real and original ideas and will soon run out of ideas.
Does being affable at work result in being counter-productive or being less effective? If you are sympathetic, supportive and nurturing you cannot be effective? If so, does being the mean guy the answer? Being nice is to be good-natured, kind, pleasant with good manners. Nice need not be "pushover". Likable is easy to like and affable is being friendly.
The sentiments that some people feel that nice guys finish last could be as old as when dinosaurs roam the earth. Leaders can be so nice that being too nice actually hurt your leadership and the very people that you lead for they dare not upset anyone and try to please everybody - no principles, no tough calls. Are you prepared to tell someone to leave when it clearly calls for it so as to save many others. Being too considerate can be an enemy itself. Tough decisions call for tough love. Being too kind means that some of your staff or team members become complacent, careless and leads to under performance as they will take advantage of your kindness seeing it instead as a weakness.
We do not have to suddenly become mean but we need all the wisdom and courage. Niceness can prevent us from doing the right thing. You may then loose the respect of staffs and followers. You could end up being a nice friend but never ever a leader. When you ask a lousy person to leave, you could benefit your team and at the end of the day, this person may one day come back to thank you for his awakening. You have to do it right.
Do Bad Guys Finish First?
You will tell me that from what you know many of them bad guys are so successful. The thing is you only knew so little but when you look at one aspect of their life and you think they are. You are not God to judge. I would propose to you that they appear to be so because I would argue that they are the exception rather than the norm. In a movie, the bad guys always stands out. In fact, sometimes, he stole the show for his meanness but in real life as in reel life, his temporary powers, wealth, fame and accomplices may run out someday. If they go around doing people in and hurting many innocent others, he will one day face his Waterloo.
Waterloo - it originated from the war at Waterloo, Belgium. This is where the Allied Forces led by Wellington defeated Napoleon arouond 1815 marking the end of his military dominion. Napoleon "met with his Waterloo" signified that he met with a devastating and uttere defeat. It indicated that someone who was hugely successful in the past was defeated and faced great failure by something or someone which proved too much for them.
This phrase is a reference to suffering a major defeat. Initially it was an expression for Napoleon's defeat but became a common phrase whenever somebody got routed in a humiliating sort of manner then he is said to have met his Waterloo.
Conclusion
If only you stick to your guns, principles, morals and Godly instincts. Add some patience and get on with your own life. Nice guys WILL finish first eventually and not only that nice guys will live longer and happier lives as they are surrounded by friends. Studies revealed that nice, positive, happy people can live up to ten years more because they do not have to look over their backs and worry who might stab them back anytime as their relationship with people are founded on great foundation of trust and love. Please continue to be nice and touch others. If you are a guy just make sure it is not a lady you touch or nice guys finish in jail.
They did a survey from a broad spectrum of professions and found that companies populated with nice people generate better bottom lines. It means that these are better places to work. There will however be occasional jerks to irritate you or even move to the top but the truth is that the higher you go the more important your behaviours should be. So exercise altruism which in essence is to help co-workers or all work related problems. Say and do what is in the best interest of the organisation even if you do not sound popular - that is being civic and keep your word for your word is your bond.
Do you capitalize on the misfortune of others? A friendly and positive disposition is an invaluable asset. Any good feelings towards you is significant in any relationship. Your ability to connect with others is important. One can be assertive and yet be nice and pleasant while aggressive and abrasive is not. Do we need to go around barking orders to show that we are top dogs? You are bound to know some angry bullies who love to hear their own voice. People like this are insecure. They may create a sense of fear which will affect the staffs' abilities. Instead of providing solutions, they create problems and thus conflicts. They demoralize and demotivate. Nobody wants to work with or for them. People will never forget how you made them feel.
Research found that when you lead with honesty, respect and kindness, you have a solid, competitive edge. Team members will show an increased commitment and enhanced performance. Effective leadership is about pulling people together not pushing people around.
Imagine you are running a race and during the race a fellow participant fell and hurt himself badly. If you stop to help you may lose the race. You are in a dilemma so what should you do? Especially if this is the Olympics. Search yourself. But you can't keep a good man down!
Can't Keep A Good Man Down - Alabama: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S9IFlP4BlM
Can't Keep A Good Man Down - Bee Gees: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=debcDZTWbo8
Nice Guys Finish First - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d80epbOp-TU
If you think nice guys do not finish first it is because you do not know the full story. Nice guys will always finish first. Be nice not nasty. Which is easier? Are there still gentlemen out there today?
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